Permission to Be Human: A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents

This week, my Self-Care Sunday post is about a topic I myself have been embracing: being human. This week and every week, give yourself permission to be human. Our lives are filled with so much responsibility that we take on, but we tend to forget that we are human. It is okay to take a step back. It is okay to be human.

As parents, we often put immense pressure on ourselves to be perfect—to juggle work, family, and personal life seamlessly. We strive to meet everyone’s needs, often neglecting our own. But the truth is, we are not superheroes. We are human beings with limitations, emotions, and needs that deserve attention.

In this blog post, I want to explore the importance of embracing our humanity as parents and how it can be a powerful form of self-care.

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

Being human means experiencing a range of emotions, from joy and love to frustration and sadness. It’s important to acknowledge and accept these emotions, even the difficult ones. Allow yourself to feel without judgment, and remember that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

We are our own harshest critics, especially when it comes to parenting. But being human means being imperfect, and embracing it. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Be gentle with yourself, especially in moments of struggle.

3. Set Realistic Expectations

It’s easy to fall into the trap of setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves as parents. Remember that it’s okay to not have all the answers or to make mistakes. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. Make self-care a priority in your life, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Whether it’s taking a walk, reading a book, or practicing mindfulness, find activities that nourish your soul and make you feel human.

5. Connect with Others

Being human means being part of a community. Connect with other parents who understand the challenges you face and can offer support and perspective. Share your experiences and listen to theirs. Remember, you are not alone.

Being human is a beautiful and messy journey, especially for parents. Embrace your imperfections and remember that you are doing the best you can. Give yourself permission to be human, to feel, to make mistakes, and to grow. Your well-being matters, and by taking care of yourself, you are better able to care for those you love.

So, this week and every week, I encourage you to give yourself permission to be human. Take a deep breath, let go of perfection, and embrace the beautiful messiness of being human. You deserve it..

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Navigating Complex Grief

Have you ever faced a loss so profound it felt like a piece of your heart was torn away? For many parents, the experience of losing a pregnancy or an infant is a devastating journey through complex grief, a journey that often goes unnoticed by those around them. In this blog, we explore the depths of this grief, shedding light on the silent struggles of those who have experienced such loss.

Understanding Complex Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss, but the grief that accompanies pregnancy and infant loss is often more complex. It’s not just about mourning the loss of a child; it’s also about grieving the dreams and expectations that were tied to that child. Parents may find themselves grappling with a profound sense of loss, identity crisis, and role changes.

The Impact of Secondary Losses

Beyond the immediate loss of their child, parents also face a series of secondary losses that can exacerbate their grief. They may struggle with feelings of isolation as they navigate a world that often fails to understand their pain. Relationships may strain under the weight of grief, and parents may find themselves feeling disconnected from those around them.

Navigating the Journey of Grief

Each person’s journey through grief is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s essential for parents to give themselves permission to feel whatever emotions come up and to seek support from others who can empathize with their experience. Professional help, such as therapy or support groups, can also be invaluable in navigating the complexities of grief.

Finding Hope in the Darkness

While the journey through grief is undoubtedly challenging, there is hope to be found in the darkness. Many parents find comfort in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses, finding solace in shared understanding. Creating meaningful rituals or memorials can also help parents honor their child’s memory and find a sense of peace.

Honoring the Journey

As a society, it’s crucial that we acknowledge and honor the grief of those who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. By opening up conversations about this often-taboo topic, we can create a more supportive environment for grieving parents, helping them feel seen, heard, and understood in their time of need.

The grief that accompanies pregnancy and infant loss is a complex and deeply personal journey. By acknowledging the depth of this grief and offering support to those who are experiencing it, we can help create a more compassionate world for all grieving parents.

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Kindness Starts at Home: The Power of Self-Compassion for Parents

Today, let’s talk about a cornerstone of self-care that often gets overlooked: practicing self-compassion. As parents, we’re constantly juggling a million responsibilities – from caring for our children to managing household tasks to balancing work and family life. In the midst of it all, it’s easy to forget about ourselves and neglect our own needs. But here’s the thing: practicing self-compassion is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity for our well-being and sanity.

So, what exactly is self-compassion, and how can we cultivate it in our lives? Let’s break it down:

Self-compassion is about treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance – especially in moments of struggle or difficulty. It’s about acknowledging our limitations, honoring our needs, and giving ourselves permission to prioritize self-care without guilt or shame.

One of the most powerful ways to practice self-compassion is by setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love and self-compassion. It’s about recognizing our limits and saying no when necessary – whether it’s declining extra commitments, taking time for rest and relaxation, or simply giving ourselves permission to put our needs first.

Remember boundaries are not for other people. They are for you.

Here are a few practical tips for practicing self-compassion:

1. Set Boundaries: Learn to recognize your limits and set boundaries accordingly. Say no to things that drain your energy or overwhelm you, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your needs.

2. Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Whether it’s taking a bubble bath, going for a walk, or simply taking a few deep breaths, prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

3. Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a dear friend. Practice positive self-talk and remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes and to ask for help when needed.

4. Practice Mindfulness: Cultivate mindfulness in your daily life by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your needs and respond to them with kindness and compassion.

5. Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist, seeking support can help you navigate difficult emotions and cultivate self-compassion.

Remember, be kind to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job, and you deserve all the love, kindness, and compassion in the world. Practice self-compassion, set boundaries, and prioritize your well-being – because you’re worth it.

Are you looking to start redefining parenthood? Check out the redefining parenthood workbook today

Want a free 15-minute consultation with Anita? Schedule Today

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Leading by Example: Nurturing Self-Respect in Parenthood

Today, let’s talk about a fundamental aspect of self-care that often gets overlooked: modeling self-respect. As parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our children’s beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors – and one of the most powerful ways we can do this is by demonstrating self-respect and self-worth in our own lives.

Think about it: Our children look up to us as their first and most influential teachers. They observe how we navigate the world, how we interact with others, and how we treat ourselves. By setting and upholding boundaries, we’re not only showing our children that we value ourselves, but we’re also teaching them valuable lessons about self-respect and self-worth.

So, how can we model self-respect for our children? Here are a few practical tips to get started:

1. Set Boundaries: Boundaries are like signposts that guide the way we interact with others – and they’re essential for demonstrating self-respect. Whether it’s saying no to extra commitments, speaking up when something doesn’t feel right, or carving out time for self-care, setting boundaries shows our children that it’s okay to prioritize their needs and advocate for themselves.

2. Uphold Your Boundaries: Setting boundaries is one thing, but upholding them is another. Consistently honoring your boundaries – even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable – reinforces the message that your needs and well-being matter. Show your children that it’s not just about setting boundaries; it’s about respecting them too.

3. Practice Saying No: As parents, we often feel pressure to say yes to everything – whether it’s attending every event, volunteering for every committee, or taking on every task. But here’s the thing: It’s okay to say no. In fact, saying no is an essential part of self-care and self-respect. Show your children that it’s okay to decline invitations or requests that don’t align with their values or priorities.

4. Prioritize Self-Care: Speaking of self-care, make it a priority in your life – and let your children see you doing it. Whether it’s taking time for a relaxing bath, going for a walk in nature, or simply curling up with a good book, prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. By taking care of yourself, you’re not only modeling self-respect, but you’re also showing your children the importance of self-care in maintaining overall well-being.

5. Encourage Open Communication: Finally, create a safe and supportive environment where your children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Encourage open communication and listen actively without judgment. By validating their experiences and respecting their boundaries, you’re empowering them to advocate for themselves and cultivate self-respect from an early age.

Remember, as parents, we have an opportunity to shape the next generation – and it all starts with modeling self-respect and self-worth in our own lives. Lead by example and show our children that they deserve nothing less than to prioritize their needs, advocate for themselves, and cultivate a deep sense of self-respect.

Are you looking to start redefining parenthood? Check out the redefining parenthood workbook today

Want a free 15-minute consultation with Anita? Schedule Today

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Speak Your Truth: The Art of Healthy Communication in Self-Care

Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s absolutely crucial for our well-being and relationships: establishing healthy communication. Whether it’s with our partners, children, friends, or colleagues, effective communication lays the foundation for understanding, empathy, and connection.

1. Listen with Intent: One of the cornerstones of healthy communication is active listening. Rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak, make a conscious effort to truly listen to what the other person is saying. Give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and show empathy and understanding. Remember, listening is not just about hearing words; it’s about understanding emotions and perspectives.

2. Express Yourself Honestly: On the flip side, it’s equally important to express yourself honestly and authentically. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts, feelings, and needs with others. Be open and transparent in your communication, and don’t shy away from expressing vulnerability when necessary. Remember, honesty is the bedrock of trust and intimacy in any relationship.

3. Practice Empathy: Empathy is the secret sauce of effective communication. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their perspective and emotions. Show empathy and compassion in your interactions, even if you don’t agree with the other person’s point of view. Remember, empathy builds bridges and fosters connection.

4. Use “I” Statements: When expressing yourself, try to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You always make me feel ignored,” try saying, “I feel ignored when I don’t get a response to my messages.” “I” statements help to take ownership of your feelings and prevent the other person from feeling attacked or blamed.

5. Practice Active Problem-Solving: Communication isn’t just about expressing thoughts and feelings; it’s also about finding solutions to problems and conflicts. Practice active problem-solving by brainstorming solutions together, listening to each other’s perspectives, and finding common ground. Remember, you’re on the same team, working towards a common goal.

Now that we’ve explored some practical tips for establishing healthy communication, it’s time to put them into action in our daily lives. Remember, effective communication takes practice, patience, and persistence, but the rewards – deeper connections, stronger relationships, and greater understanding – are more than worth it.

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Me-Time Matters:Creating Space For Parental Self-Care

Me-Time Matters: Creating Space for Parental Self-Care

We wear many hats – caregiver, teacher, chauffeur, chef…the list goes on. And while we wouldn’t trade our roles for anything in the world, it’s essential to remember that we’re also individuals with our own needs and desires. That’s why today, we’re talking about the importance of creating space for yourself as a parent.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – creating space? In the midst of diapers, tantrums, and endless to-do lists? Trust me, it’s possible, and it’s absolutely essential for your well-being and the well-being of your family.

So, let’s dive in and explore some practical tips for carving out sacred space just for you.

1. Set Boundaries: Boundaries aren’t just for kids – they’re for parents too! Setting boundaries is essential for creating space for yourself and honoring your needs and desires. Whether it’s establishing quiet time during the day, setting aside an evening each week for self-care, or simply saying no to extra commitments, setting boundaries allows you to prioritize yourself and your well-being.

2. Create a Sanctuary: Everyone needs a sanctuary – a place where they can retreat, recharge, and rejuvenate. Whether it’s a cozy corner in your home, a favorite spot in nature, or even just a quiet room with a door that locks, create a space that feels nurturing and soothing to you. Fill it with things that bring you joy – whether it’s books, candles, or photos of loved ones – and make it your own personal oasis.

3. Schedule Me-Time: Me-time is non-negotiable, my friends! Schedule regular time for yourself in your calendar and treat it as sacred. Whether it’s an hour each morning for meditation and reflection, a solo walk in the park, or an evening yoga class, make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so prioritize yourself and your well-being.

4. Communicate Your Needs: Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to your partner, family members, or friends. Let them know when you need time alone, when you need support, or when you simply need a listening ear. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it’s essential for creating space for yourself as a parent.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Finally, be gentle with yourself, dear parent. Parenting is a journey, and we all have our ups and downs. When things get tough, practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, to take breaks, and to prioritize yourself and your well-being.

So, there you have it – a little reminder about the importance of creating space for yourself as a parent. Remember, you are worthy of time, space, and self-care, so don’t be afraid to prioritize yourself and your well-being. You’ve got this!

Want to hear more about how I took a one-month mommy break? Check out the podcast.

Interested in scheduling a free 15-minute consultation with Anita? Click here.

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Loving Yourself Through Loss: A Guide to Self-Compassion with the Five Love Languages

Hey there,

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of showing love to others. But what about showing some love to yourself, especially when you’re going through a tough time like grief? It’s crucial to remember that self-love and care are just as important, if not more so, during these moments. So, let’s talk about loving yourself through grief using Gary Chapman’s five love languages:

Words of Affirmation: Alright, first up, give yourself some pep talks! Seriously, speak kindly to yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you do and that healing takes time. Be your own cheerleader and offer words of encouragement whenever you need a little boost.

Acts of Service: How about treating yourself to some self-care? Whip up your favorite meal, take a long, luxurious bath, or indulge in activities that bring you comfort. By taking care of yourself, you’re showing love and compassion during a difficult time.

Receiving Gifts: Now, this doesn’t mean you have to go on a shopping spree. Instead, think about giving yourself meaningful gifts that bring you comfort. It could be a journal to jot down your thoughts or a keepsake that holds special memories. These little tokens serve as reminders of self-love and self-compassion.

Quality Time: Carve out some alone time for yourself. Seriously, schedule it in if you have to! Use this time to meditate, reflect, or simply do things that bring you peace. Embracing solitude can be incredibly healing and allows you to connect with yourself on a deeper level.

Physical Touch: Yup, physical touch isn’t just for others; it’s for you too! Give yourself a big hug, practice some self-massage, or try out some relaxing yoga poses. These physical gestures can provide comfort and reassurance during those tough moments.

So, as Valentine’s Day approaches, don’t forget to show yourself some love. Whether it’s through positive affirmations, acts of service, meaningful gifts, quality time, or physical touch, find what works for you and make it a part of your self-care routine. Remember, everyone’s journey through grief is different, so be kind to yourself along the way. You’ve got this!

If you or someone you know has experienced a pregnancy and infant loss make sure you check out Letter’s to my Unborn Child: a journal for bereaved parents

Check out the “Self-Paced Program!”

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Motherhood Unveiled: Navigating Motherhood with Janika’s Journey

In this episode, we are joined by the amazing Janika Wright, a postpartum doula with a passion for helping mothers navigate their postpartum experiences. Janika shares her inspiring journey from being introduced to the birth field while working at a midwifery to becoming a postpartum doula and founding “Power Beyond Birth.”

Introduction and Background:

  • Janika introduces herself as a postpartum doula with four years of experience and a background in the birth field.
  • She explains how her personal birth experience and postpartum challenges inspired her to start “Power Beyond Birth.”

The Story Behind “Power Beyond Birth”:

  • Janika shares the inspiration behind the name “Power Beyond Birth” and how her own birth experience shaped her journey.
  • Her journey from desiring a natural birth to dealing with complications and a traumatic birth experience.

Expectations vs. Reality:

  • Janika discusses her expectations for postpartum life, which were initially centered on the idea of a “joyous time” with her baby.
  • The emotional challenges she faced after childbirth and her struggles with bonding.

The Need for Postpartum Support:

  • Both hosts discuss societal pressures on new mothers and the need for support.
  • The importance of recognizing that postpartum emotions are natural and that it’s essential to voice your feelings and seek help when needed.

Defining the Role of a Postpartum Doula:

  • Janika explains what a postpartum doula does, emphasizing the emotional and informational support they provide.
  • The difference between a postpartum doula and a babysitter or housekeeper.

Financial Concerns:

  • Janika addresses concerns about the cost of hiring a postpartum doula.
  • She highlights options like bartering, payment plans, putting a doula on your registry, and resources like grants for people of color and Medicaid coverage.

Advice for Expecting Mothers:

  • Janika encourages expecting mothers to have grace for themselves and not normalize feelings of loneliness or sadness.
  • Emphasizes the importance of understanding that the postpartum journey varies for every individual and providing support and resources.

Supporting a Postpartum Doula:

  • The hosts discuss various ways to support the use of postpartum doulas.
  • Suggest informing others about the benefits of postpartum doulas and considering adding them to your registry.

Questions to Ask a Postpartum Doula:

  • Janika shares essential questions to ask a potential doula to ensure a good fit.
  • The importance of having a connection with your doula beyond their professional role.

Contact Janika Wright:

  • Janika shares her contact information for anyone interested in learning more about her services or connecting with her:

Closing Remarks:

  • The hosts thank Janika for her valuable insights and the importance of embracing the postpartum journey.
  • They invite listeners to tune in to future episodes and wish them a wonderful day.

This episode provides invaluable information and insights into the role of postpartum doulas, the importance of postpartum support, and the significance of open communication during the postpartum journey. Janika’s personal journey and expertise in this field offer listeners a deeper understanding of the topic.

Anita: Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode. Today I’m joined by Janika. I’m joined by Janika and we’re gonna have a great conversation about a topic that I feel every mom should have and know about. We’re gonna be talking about postpartum doulas. So real quick, Janika, can you introduce yourself and tell everybody who you are and 

Janika: what you do?

Janika: Yes. So, hello. Right partum doula, or, I’ve been, um, just working as a postpartum doula for about four years now, but I was introduced to the. about 13 years ago. I used to work at a midriffy. Aunt just happened to be the midwife there. And so that’s where I found my love for being in the birth field. I started working with her and I wanted to do more things.

Janika: And she was like, no, well, you need your certification. You need to go back to school. And so that’s what started my journey. Ended up going to school as, um, I got a certification as a nurse assistant. Um, and then it wasn’t until the birth of my daughter in 2019 where I found a or postpartum, and so that’s when I started My Power Beyond Birth.

Janika: Oh, I love that 

Anita: name. Power Beyond Birth. 

Janika: How did you come up with that name? Oh, my own birth experience. Sure. Um, so my trying to have a baby, natural, I did all the things that I popped, I was with a midwife and all throughout the health. And then it wasn’t until when my water broke, I found out I had, and so I had to be transferred to, it was a, just a traumatic experience for me.

Janika: So I ended up not getting what I wanted. She, she was births. I labored as long as I could for about hours naturally. So it was tough, but you know, blessing and she’s here. She ended up for about a week. I was still in the hospital operating. And I think because I had such a traumatic birth. that it also led to a postpartum experience.

Janika: So I ended up having postpartum, not being able to, um, re bond with my baby. Challenges. And the reason it could have been available to me were actually not because I ended up end of 2019. So once I was Full in my full on COVID, I felt very alone in the household and didn’t really feel like I had, I could have had even with my husband, he was, he was there physically, um, but because this was our first baby and went through the, the motions, it was very experienced.

Janika: And so after a year of dealing with that, um, having some communication, um, to kind of, um, I ended up, um, you know what, instead of just. Just 

Anita: there’s a lot of mothers. 

Janika: I started opening my experience and just things, talking to other moms and on social media about like little exposed having, and there was a lot of people were experiencing this COVID and I was like, I thought I was a little COVID and you’re telling me people been in silence all this time and you just think that it’s the normal thing, that’s what I dealt with too, and I thought I just.

Janika: I was just, because there wasn’t resources for COVID, I was aware, but then I realized people weren’t resources that are available for. And so that’s when I really had to hang the information out there. When there are resources to support you, there are people, especially in the way that look like us, talk like us, and really genuinely beat you during your postpartum journey.

Janika: And I love 

Anita: the story behind what, um, pushed you into the direction of becoming a postpartum doula and to create such a powerful name for your business as well. So what were you expecting your postpartum 

Janika: to look like? Easy breezy. Back then it was love my baby. I was going, and I, I loved her at that time.

Janika: It was just hard for me to expect me to be so sad. I, I was sad. I didn’t. to, um, not we were breastfeeding, so she will be on my, I would stay on the couch and that was it. Well, dealing with her needs, taking each day as it, it gone. I thought it would be more of a joyous time and I didn’t kind of move in through the days.

Janika: Taking it and just funk, like, I didn’t know why it was like, everything was still good. I just, out of that emotional kind of like, um, just unhappy. And, you know, I, I thought that breastfeeding also will couldn’t bond us. And even in that sense, like, that’s all she wanted to do. It wasn’t mine anymore. Um, so it was just.

Janika: Different than what I thought it would be. 

Anita: Mm-Hmm. And the thing is, you’re not alone in that expectation or that journey because we 

Janika: have society,

Anita: tv, media shows us, oh, the next day we can be in heels, back snatched, everything’s okay. That’s not what any of us really experience. Maybe some people, but a majority of us don’t get that experience.

Anita: And we’re in there and we’re like, well, why didn’t nobody tell us? Or we turned to our mothers and like, uh, why didn’t you tell me like you experienced this? Why did you not tell me that this is what it was really about? Instead of, oh, let’s get this nursery together. Let’s make sure we have all these things for the baby.

Anita: You have to also 

Janika: remember 

Anita: about the mother too, because they’re just as 

Janika: important in that journey. That’s very, very true. I remember feeling like Clean during my people opening doors for me, like it was like in a room or even walking through the mall, something less, you know, I get all, you know, cause they’re looking at, you know, you get all this calling you have baby yet.

Janika: How are you feeling? And then as soon as the baby comes, everything kind of slows down. Nobody, how’s the baby? Okay. Well, when can I come and see the baby? Like all attention was now it’s on this baby and said it was during COVID. So nobody was even all, but we were getting calls. And so, yes, definitely. You know, it’s insane.

Janika: Look, 

Anita: these babies need their own phone. That’s, that’s what 

Janika: it is. Yes. So can you 

Anita: tell everybody what exactly is a postpartum doula? Because when I 

Janika: first heard of it or doula in general, 

Anita: I was like, huh, what? They can do what? I was like, so I can like leave my house and just leave them alone for like hours at a time?

Anita: Or, and they’re like, um, Yes and no. But can you explain to everybody what exactly a postpartum doula is and what they do? 

Janika: Yeah. So, uh, someone who supports you during partum timeframe for fancy name for just after emotionally, um, and just being in helping you for yourself. Um, we know in the U S. Um, black women, we three to four times more likely to like problems, childbirth complications.

Janika: And so a lot of things also happen in the post time brain. And so part of Mdula that you can talk to and kind of share your experience with, if you’re, there are things in conflict understanding, we help give you base information so that you, um, well informed decision for your body. And I think that’s huge.

Janika: That’s. 

Anita: Can you tell everybody what are some things they don’t do? Because sometimes people think I got a doula so I can ask them any medical question or they can help me change these bandages or 

Janika: all this other stuff. Yes, so we are, we don’t catch the baby. We don’t, we’re not birth your baby without a doctor.

Janika: We don’t give you any medical advice. Medical options so that you can discover on what you, you want to do, not babysitters. So alluded to earlier, we don’t just, um, I always like to say that to be there. Um, she has to come to your home and assist you where you need, but the difference between me and a babysitter is that you can leave and go get grocery.

Janika: And so with the postpartum doula, you have to be present. Our job is to help you heal. And so in doing that, as we’re taking care of your, your baby, we’re taking care of you. So while I’m taking care of your baby or feeding your baby, my expectation is for you to be relaxed, sleeping, doing something that’s solely for you.

Janika: And so that’s majority of, um, what a postpartum doula does. 

Anita: Yes. I know when I had my postpartum doula after my daughter, or yeah, I was like, this is the best sleep I’ve ever done in my life. All right. And so when I would sleep, she’ll have my daughter and my son and helping them with their bonding together.

Anita: And I just have to relax for those three hours. And I was like, this is wonderful. Everybody should really have this, 

Janika: but 

Anita: nobody is really educated about them or even know that we exist and we can help. Another thing I wanted to add though, a postpartum doula is not a housekeeper. Some do light housekeeping.

Anita: That’s not scrubbing baseboard. They may put your laundry away if it’s already washed, but they’re not sitting here doing loads and loads of laundry for you and all this other stuff. Some will meal prep or bring a meal. To you, depending, but they’re not babysitters and they’re not housekeepers. Sorry, it’ll be great, but you can put a housekeeper on your registry so you can get a housekeeper after your baby is born.

Anita: Yes. Um, what’s one piece of advice or encouragement that you wish you got in your pregnancy and postpartum 

Janika: that, um, if I, I think that if someone told me that I, I didn’t have to, like, it wasn’t okay. My. My loneliness that I was feeling like that wasn’t okay. Like not to don’t normalize that. Like we shouldn’t be normalizing that.

Janika: It’s okay. After you have a baby that, Oh, those times are going to happen. Like, I wish that I knew that I, I had options. I had choices, even with everything being shut down. Um, I still could have reached out to some resources and. Um, let those voices be, be, you know, out there and, and tell somebody about how I was feeling in that moment.

Janika: Um, and so I think that we kinda just normalize that, especially women of color, that we are strong, we are independent, we can handle this. This is our problem. We don’t want to seem weak. Um, and because it’s not normalized that there are struggles that come with postpartum, um, because it’s not voiced, then the downside to that is that if you are voicing it, then you’re just a weak individual, like there’s a problem with you.

Janika: And so I think that, you know, it doesn’t matter like your, um, your social or economic status, like it affects all of us. And so, it, it affects us in different ways, and it all depends on the support that you had during that postpartum period. 

Anita: I like that. I really do. And I see a lot of moms who come to me in the therapy side, and they’re like, Am 

Janika: I even allowed to feel this way?

Janika: Mm. 

Anita: And I’m like, I always like to take the question and ask 

Janika: them that. Well, what do you think? And then it goes back to, well, if I feel, if I’m 

Anita: allowed to, but then does that mean I’m weak? Does that mean I can’t be this still strong woman? Does this mean all these different things? And at the end of the day, it’s not based on the outside people.

Anita: We need to be able to focus on us and what we need on our inside. Absolutely. Especially in. The postpartum journey, which yeah, they say six weeks, you’re always on this journey because these kids evolve and every day is something new. Um, so to be able to understand and know that as you’re going through this journey, some days may be great.

Anita: Some days may not be okay, but you have to be able to voice in those moments of things, not being okay. So that you can get to a point where you can be okay, especially if you have people around you, how are they supposed to know if you’re not letting them know they just think, okay, this is just normal.

Anita: They’re going through it. I went through it. They’re fine. But if we don’t start voicing it and telling 

Janika: people things, then they will never know. Guilt that comes with, you know, and so we do that guilt. We have to just know that, you know, we’re human. We’re going to be all types of emotions, high and low, um, and just with yourself that, hey, you know, this is okay.

Janika: Um, having, I like to say, have, have grace on yourself. You can’t always be, be all joyful. You can’t always be happy. Have some grace on yourself and just. Give yourself some leeway. You know, things aren’t always going to be perfect. And then, I mean, postpartum, when we think about like, exactly what happens with our bodies, um, like, there’s so many various things that happen.

Janika: So your emotions are going to be all over the place. We talk about the hormones. You know, your hormones are running out. So these are things that we can not like, there’s nothing you can do about it. You know? So when you really understand what your body has already gone through, like it’s a, it’s almost a traumatic experience for your body, whether you had a great birth or, but your body had went through something.

Janika: And so when you think of it that way, you’re like, and so when you have girl, then you can deal with them in a different light and just. be okay with admitting that, 

Anita: Hey, assistance this time. Oh, you guys, you heard that. Make sure you guys give yourself some grace in this journey, no matter where you’re at, even in pregnancy, because in pregnancy, you know, these hormones are running too during that time, and we can have the same feelings, give yourself grace.

Anita: So is there anything else you 

Janika: would like to share with us today? Well, I think that, um, just having this, you know, this is one of, I love postpartum. I love the journey. I think that everyone should, um, when you know better, you do better. And so your first or fifth child, every experience is much different.

Janika: And so even like you utilize a postpartum doula by having them watch your older child as well. And that’s like. Something so great, you know, and you know, even for some of us who have like, or some people have husbands in the home or boyfriends in the home, they still have to work while you’re home with the baby.

Janika: So anybody can utilize. I want, um, people to know that postpartum doula doesn’t replace. Your partner, we work as a team. We are all teammates in this. And the end goal is for you to be healthy and healing well and being happy. And in that term, that’s going to make your family healthy and happy. 

Anita: Yes. I like that one question that just came to my mind.

Anita: What do you tell people when they say they can’t afford a postpartum doula? So 

Janika: I’ve had that before and to use like barter, um, barter, bartering, we do payment plans. Um, there’s several options out there. Put us on your registry. Um, you can, um, or, you know, like I said, I do. Um, and there there’s different ways because I know not one client that I’ve turned away just um, I believe everyone support and it shouldn’t be money that in that type of support and so it’s like you could get the car seat you can get True.

Janika: That 

Anita: is so true, or the first birthday party, you can definitely get a 

Janika: postpartum do legally important 

Anita: to another resource and I don’t know if you know about that. this resource. Dove gives us a grant to people of color to have a doula or I believe it’s anything in your birth team. I’ve had clients before who have, um, signed up for it and received the grant and the grant goes directly to the birthing individual and they’re able to distribute it to their providers as they need it as 

Janika: well.

Janika: Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. And then those of you who have, um, Medicaid as well, Medicaid is. starting to also cover doulas. So that is awesome too in certain States. So I live in the state of Virginia and we’re covered as long as you have a state certified 

Anita: doula. You look at that people it’s becoming so much more accessible to you.

Anita: And even if you’re not in a stage where you need a postpartum doula, maybe, you know, somebody who’s pregnant who could really utilize one, let them know, Hey, I didn’t have this. But this is a tool that I think would be great and I would have loved to have. Maybe you should try it out. And don’t think too that the first person that you meet or find is your doula.

Anita: You can interview people and decide who’s the best fit for you and stuff like that. Um, I guess in that realm, what Question, like what’s one question that you wish a client would ask you, but they don’t ask? 

Janika: Um, I think everybody, so I get asked children. I do have one baby. I get asked about my, um, definitely, um, like what are their moral things do you do?

Janika: What is different with you? Um, I focus on the Holy Spirit base. So with that, so with you, I can, we pray in Jesus names. That you want to know about your doula. Um, there are different types. Everybody is, you know, it’s a cat comes with it. And so important to make sure that you have a few vibe with, because you’re ends, you guys end up as family, your home.

Janika: So they’re seeing the most parts of you. And so important questions that you want to know, you can get, know, try to figure out exactly person, not just what they do for you, um, because it is an experience. Yep. So 

Anita: from what I heard, you guys can be as nosy as you want. The doula is not open to telling you, they’ll say, I don’t feel comfortable, but you guys can ask these questions.

Anita: They’re coming into your home. They’re going to be with your newborn in your home with your family. So it is great to get to know them because it is an intimate experience. Well, thank you Janika for coming and being with me today, having this great conversation. How can people reach out to you? They would like to get to know you more or hire you as their 

Janika: dual.

Janika: Yes. Well, you could find Janika, right? You could find Instagram and that’s right with the W, Instagram powerbeyondbirth is powerbeyondbirth. com. And I’m also on TikTok too, right? You’re right. A little bit of everything with social media, you know. Okay. And so we, um, just, even if you want to send a message of a high or ends, I’m open to questions and meeting with people.

Janika: I like to consider myself, your postpartum, tell people you, your postpartum, your professional friend, um, that postpartum journey. So absolutely. So thank you so much for having me. I, and 

Anita: thank you so much for making the time and we’ll get back to you guys the next time we have this, um, episode. Thank you once again for being here and I hope everybody enjoys the rest of their day.

Listener Engagement:

We’d love to hear from our listeners after this enlightening episode with Janika Wright. If you have any questions, thoughts, or personal experiences related to the postpartum journey, postpartum doulas, or the importance of support during this time, please share them with us. Your stories and questions may be featured in future episodes or discussed in our upcoming Q&A segment. Feel free to reach out on our social media platforms, through email, or on our website.

Stay Tuned:

Stay connected with us for more captivating conversations and insightful topics. In our upcoming episodes, we’ll continue to explore essential aspects of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum life, bringing you valuable insights from experts and personal experiences. Don’t miss out on the next episode, as we dive deeper into the world of parenting and postpartum support. Subscribe to our podcast, and join us in the journey of discovery and empowerment. Available on Youtube, Apple Podcast and Spoitfy.

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From Me to Me: Elevating Self-Love Through the Five Love Languages

Valentine’s Day is peeking around the corner, and while it’s all about spreading love to others, how about we take a moment to shower ourselves with some much-needed TLC? I’m talking about practicing self-care and showing ourselves with some serious love, using none other than Gary Chapman’s five love languages. Let’s dive in, shall we?

1. Words of Affirmation: Picture this: You wake up, look yourself in the mirror, and say, “Hey there, you’re amazing, and you’ve got this!” That’s right, folks – affirmations! Speaking kindly to ourselves can do wonders for our self-esteem and overall well-being. So, go ahead, give yourself a pep talk, and remember, you’re a rockstar!

2. Acts of Service: Time to roll out the red carpet for ourselves! Whether it’s cooking a delicious meal, pampering yourself with a bubble bath, or simply taking a moment to breathe and relax, acts of service towards ourselves are like little love notes to our souls. So, what’s on your self-care agenda today?

3. Receiving Gifts: Who says you need a special occasion to treat yourself? Whether it’s buying that book you’ve been eyeing, splurging on a fancy coffee, or even just picking some flowers for your own darn self, don’t underestimate the power of self-gifting! After all, you deserve it!

4. Quality Time: Ahh, solitude – the ultimate form of self-love. Set aside some quality time just for you. Whether it’s curling up with a good book, going for a leisurely walk, or indulging in your favorite hobby, spending time alone can be incredibly rejuvenating. So, go ahead, enjoy your own company!

5. Physical Touch: Okay, hear me out – hugs…from yourself! Yep, that’s right – give yourself a big ol’ bear hug! Or how about a relaxing self-massage or some gentle yoga stretches? Physical touch isn’t just for others; it’s for us too. So, show yourself some love and get those feel-good endorphins flowing!

So, there you have it, folks – self-care, Gary Chapman style! Whether it’s through words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch, there are countless ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day and every day. So go ahead, indulge in a little self-love, because you, my friend, are worth it!

Interested in finding out what your love language is? Click here to access Gray Chapmans 5 Love Languages assessment.

Comment one way you are going to implement self care this week. Like, Follow, Share for more self-care tips for redefining parenthood.

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Self-Care Sunday:Creating a Vision Board

Well, the first month of 2024 is coming to an end. What’s next? It’s time to start looking ahead and planning for the rest of the year. This is an amazing form of self-care. While sometimes flying by the seat of your pants is fun and exciting, having a set of goals in place can help create a sense of control and satisfaction over your life. One way to do this and get your creative juices flowing is to make a vision board. 

What’s a Vision Board?

            A vision board can be whatever you want it to be. They are typically a collage of images put together to encompass your vision for the year, or whatever time frame you may choose. Ask yourself questions like “what is my intention?” to help you get the vision board going. Creating a vision board can help you physically see the vision you have in your head. It brings clarity to your ideas and will aid you in setting intention. What’s not to like?

            Using a vision board will help you to see your dreams in front of you and make them look attainable. If it seems silly to you, we promise it’s going to be a great tool for self-care. Physically seeing the things you want to do in a collage of images will create an emotional connection to those dreams floating around in your head and help you grasp them. 

Making a Vision Board 

·       Creating a Physical Board

o   You can make a vision board by using cut outs from magazines, print outs, anything you may have laying around that inspires you. Creating a collage of items that represent where you want to be and your intentions. 

o   The images don’t have to be straightforward. The board is for YOU so create it with images that symbolize your intentions and goals, don’t worry about what it would look like to anyone else. 

o   Hang the board somewhere that you will see it often. It will be like a subliminal message to yourself to keep working towards your goals! 

·       Digital Vision Board 

o   To create a digital board, utilize an app such as Canva. You can take your own photos and make a collage to print out for a physical board, as well.

o   Having a digital copy of your board is a great way to be in your own face about making sure you’re working towards your intentions. Make it your phone background, screen saver, whatever. While you’re add it, make it your screen saved on your smart TV to remind yourself when you wake up from that Netflix nap. 

To sum up this Self-Care Sunday, trying out a vision board can be a great way to help you achieve your goals. Ask yourself what’s most important this year and get it onto the page. We hope using a vision board will make a difference and help you with progress. 

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